Dating and the Single Stylista - Safety First Ladies!!

I am a single mother of a beautiful, smart and independent 13 yr-old...I like to date, meet new people and have new experiences.

That said...safety is always top of mind.  Sure when I was younger and had only myself to think about I was careless.  I would met men in non-public places, I would have them pick me up where I lived, etc.  But these days, that mess is a NO, NO!!  Not only because I have a child, but because people are CRAZY...does it seem like everyone has lost their damn minds, or what?!?!

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I joined a dating website.  I male friend of mine mentioned it to me, and although he was not having good luck with the women he was meeting from there, I thought maybe the men were worth checking out.  Plus, its been a slow summer, and I was bored.

I logged in, setup my profile and waited...I read every message I received (I'm not saying I responded to all of them, but I definitely read them).  Just when I thought this site was full of child-molesteresque looking guys and those who look like they have someone locked in the basement...along comes Terry.

Terry seemed like a good guy...good looking, but not beautiful, humble, smart and very nice.  We sent message back and forth for a few days, and then we exchanged phone numbers.  We had many conversations over the next week or so...getting to know each other along the way.  He made me laugh...(that's the way to get me for sure!)

Last Sunday, I'd decided that I was ready to meet him, but before I go on a date with anyone, I do a few checks...this is where the safety part comes in ladies!!!

Google is the first step, I put in his first, middle and last names...Nothing.  A little weird I thought, but nothing to be shocked about.  Some people don't come up in Google searches.

So then I went to Zaba Search, the White Pages, and Pipl.com...Nothing again!  Hmmm, now I'm really suspicious.  I searched Google for the name of the company he said he owned...Nothing.  What company doesn't have a website?  THERE AREN'T ANY!

I had one more avenue to try...as we had been chatting on the phone, I had his cell phone number.  I paid $5.00 to do a reverse number search, and I'm glad I did.  The number was listed to someone named Steve (Not Terry).  What was interesting is that the middle and last names he gave me where the same.  Damn, what have I gotten myself into?  I put Steve's name into Google...wow!  There's "Steve" on Facebook, Myspace, even Twitter!  And guess what??!!  The pics of him on those sites were not of the same guy on the dating website.  They looked very similiar, but definitely not the same guy.

Not being someone who avoids conflict or pussy-foots around, I called him, and explained what I found...Here's what he said...

"I was going to write you an email explaining everything before things went any further.  I am Steve and Terry is my friend who is cheating on his wife.  He asked that I set up a profile using his pictures and information, but I would monitor all of the prospects.  If I found someone I liked, we would talk on the phone for a few minutes to see if they would be an easy lay for Terry, then I would pass her off to him.  But, I never passed on your number because we had a connection.  Everything we talked about was real, you were talking to me.  Do you hate me?" (Blah, Blah, Blah...yeah, everything was real...except everything WASN'T real).

My response..."Nope, I don't hate you, but we will never speak again."  End of conversation.

So...I called Nikki aka The Flirty 40s, to tell her of my latest and greatest dating drama.  She asked me if I had checked him out on the state courts website...why no, I hadn't.  In all my research I didn't know about this site?!?!  Nice.  As she enters Steve's name into the website, all she can say is  "Girl, stay away from him!"

This "man" had a LONG LIST of arrests & judgements.  Including, but not limited to:  Time spent in PRISON for Terroristic Treats and Stalking & time spent in PRISON for theft.  Let us not forget that he owes $20,000 in child support on which he has not paid a dime!!

Moral of the story...know the men you are meeting and dating!!!  And if a man gets offended because I checked up on him...then he is not the man for me.

Some people may call this research excessive...You be the judge!!

Random Thought of a Nearly 40 Something Urbanite.

I don't understand people who want nice things but don't want to take care of them.

I met the most down to earth real estate agent the other day when I was being nosey and looking at a house in my neighborhood.

I will have to keep him in mind when I start the hunt for new digs.

Why do kids cost so damn much? Maybe if my hope was for mediocre kids htey would be cheaper???

You know sometimes you are just tired...sick and tired.

I missed my grade school impromptu reunion...Go St. Agnes!! I'm hoping they have another meet-up around the holidays when I will be home visiting...he I'm gonna personally make it happen.

St. Agnes was good times man...what a wonderful environment for a little brown girl and Sr. Delores don't take no mess!

You know what's funny...I am no longer in contact with anyone I went to high school with, but I am still in touch with a number of people I went to grade school with...telling don't you think?

BH you are testing me.

Mind over matter.

Putting me first is harder than it sounds.

I miss my swagga..I definitely need to go on a swagga hunt..lol

What the hell am I supposed to do with myself on Sunday nights when it's cold as hell outside and TrueBlood aint coming back on until June 2010...DAMN!

LaJuana...where the hell you at? Who you hugged up with that you all MIA? And I must have the phone number for bustas since you big pimpin with multiple #'s.

JG-Keep your butt in the bed until that baby is done cooking!

I want to learn how to ski.

I'd make a good chocolate snow bunny.

Anyone do "hot" yoga?

I Love a Deal!!

Grabbed these cute little sandals at Macy's on clearance today...SWEET! Can't wait to rock them next summer. Oh how I love a deal :) Make sure you click photo to enlarge these babies.

A Little Sippy Sippy

This is my favorite drink. Possibly my most favorite drink ever! It's called an Asian Pear Cosmo and they serve them up in the Twin Cities at the Westin Hotel. I love this hotel by the way, if you are ever visiting Minneapolis check it out...it's located downtown and is the perfect blend of comfortableness and chic. Sidebar....Tom and Ben stayed there a few years back when they were passing through and they loved it too.

Now back to my "drank." This sucker is strong yet refreshing. It's made with pear vodka and Asian pear puree that the chef whips up fresh daily...for this reason, once the puree is gone it's gone until the next day when the chef makes a new batch. Those are the ingredients folks..no fillers! It's great in summer or winter because it's refreshing but has the crispness that I generally associate with colder months. And if you have ever had an Asian Pear you know that they have more texture to them than a traditional say Bartlett pear and some would say a different taste as well.

The cost is $10 bucks a pop, so your bar tab will add up quick but they are so damn good.
One more note about the Westin Hotel here...it use to be a bank (built in 1941), so the bank vault is now the wine cellar. The bank's old conference rooms and offices are now private dining areas. It's really a very lovely and cool hotel.

Forever 21...Not Just for the Kids!

Ladies and Gents don't sleep on Forever 21 when it comes to hair accessories and costume jewelry..they have some great deals on cute, trendy items for all ages! Now the clothes may not be appropriate for us 40 something...every once in a while I will find a cute and age appropriate top...I snatched up this one for under 10 bucks, but generally speaking the clothes there are for 20 something set, but that doesn't mean we can't troll the endless table of earrings, bracelets, bangles, rings, hats and hair accessories.
If you have a forever 21 store in your area I suggest you make a trip there for great fall accessories on the cheap, otherwise check them out online and order that way. I do know that in some states there are stand alone Forever21 stores that only sell accessories.
Here's a peak at some of my accessories from Forever21!!